Dear Life, Why Have You Betrayed Me So?
by Angie Chick
Summary: Diary of an American fourth year girl at Hogwarts. She finds people aren't as judgmental as she thought when her friends discover another side of her. Angst, drama, and romance mostly. Rating may go up. Character Death (eventually multiple). R&R No flames
1. Aug 30 to Sept 1

** Disclaimer:** This goes for the whole story. The only thing I own here is Melany Simmons, her mom, her dad, her brother Mike, and her muggle friends. Oh, and my socks.   
** A/N:** Rated for possible future swearing, kissing, and fighting. Please no flames, my first fanfic. Suggestions for interesting scenes are always welcome if they fit in with what I have planned. If you don't understand something, go ahead and ask about it in your review (I know you'll review! :D), but it'll probably be answered later on. Fyi, this fic will probably be pretty long, or I'll make a series. And sorry, but I always make short chapters.  
  
**August 30** -   
**11:50 p.m.** - **dark alley behind house with flashlight** - Had to take a trip to Diagon Alley (through the American entrance) alone today. Sometimes I wish my parents and brother weren't squibs. Everything magical's all up to me to figure out in my life. It really sucks.  
I'm sitting here in the alley behind my house after dark because I just have to get away sometimes, ya know? Well, I better go find something to eat. The parents forgot to feed me again. I swear, if I didn't know to eat and sleep every day, I'd be dead by now. Might sneak into the bathroom to write some more later, but I doubt it. Got a big day tomorrow.   
  
**August 31** -   
**6:00 a.m.** - **bedroom **- Fixing to get packed. I asked my mom for a lift to the airport, and she of course totally forgot about me going to Hogwarts. She's always busy juggling all our schedules so I don't really blame her. Dad and Mike are at work today, and they're taking the only cars we own that are still in running condition so I'll have to catch a ride with Bet. Good thing her mom wakes up early, and they live so close. Thank God. Well, I better be off or I'll miss my plane.  
**8:50 a.m.** - **airplane **- I am on the plane and all settled in. These seats are uncomfortable, the employees are rude, it's cramped in here, and the dude next to me is sweaty and smells like rotten eggs and fried onions. Gross. I really shouldn't complain because I'm lucky we could even afford to send me to Hogwarts. But still. Eew.  
**10:45 p.m.** - **cheap hotel in London** - Exhausted. Grabbed a bite to eat at McDonald's on the way to the hotel. I'm all settled in to my room, and I double-checked my inventory. I am so ready for the Hogwart's Express. Well, I'd better catch me a few winks. 'Night.  
  
**September 1** -   
**7:00 a.m.** - **about to leave cheap hotel in London** - About to go turn in my key to the room and head to King's Cross Station. I am _so_ psyched.  
**9:00 p.m.** - **first night at Hogwarts in dorm** - Sat in a compartment with Neville, Ginny, and Lee on the train. No idea why Lee wasn't with the Weasley twins. Probably part of some scheme or another.   
Seems that ass Malfoy ditched his body guards. Odd. Anyway, he came into our compartment to chat me up, as usual. That boy just won't give up. He's had it bad since our first year, and he's in so deep that he's not only nice to me, but my friends too. Apparently, he heard I made fun of his slicked-back hair last year so he decided to go for a new look, loose and messy. It's a great improvement.  
Good food at supper, though I've never heard of half of it. Made about half the table laugh when I told them an interesting story involving my friend Chrissy, a squirrel, a pair of boxers, and a bowl of oats. Hehe, quite amusing. Don't ask. I could feel the Malfoy's eyes on me practically all the way through the meal. Dumbledore spoke of how there's no quidditch this year, and they'll have some silly tournament going on instead. I won't write about it because it's not personal or anything.   
Got our schedules today, and almost every class is with Slytherin. Oh joy. Well, got a busy day tomorrow, and my roomies keep complaining about my light. Hehe. I'm writing slow just to agitate them. What fun... Anywho, I'm sleepy so I suppose this is farewell. Parting is such sweet sorrow. Sweet dreams, dear journal. Whatever. 


	2. Sept 2

**September 2** -   
**8:55 a.m.** - **double potions with Slytherin** - Shit. Snape just _has_ to assign partners this year, doesn't he? _**I** am stuck with **Malfoy** for an **entire year**._ Right now I'm being very careful so he can't see what I'm writing or down my shirt. He keeps scooting closer so he can lean over my shoulder (probably to smell my perfume), and he doesn't even believe I notice. And to think, I used to tell myself I was just imagining things when he did that shit.  
Snape just noticed we're done with our work, and I'm writing something. Double shit. Good thing I put a chamr on this notebook so no one can read what I'm writing unless I want them to. All he'll see is carefully taken notes on potions. Hehe.   
**9:00 a.m.** - **walking down the hall on way to Herbology** -  
Snape picked up my journal and said, "Writing in your precious diary about your crush? Let us see what you have written."  
The whole class stared as I tried not to smile.  
He read aloud, "Level Four Sleeping Draught - only use in emergency, can cause permanent damage (such as death, purple spots on skin, permanent hives, itching in private areas, and loss of limbs). Ms. Simmons, taking these notes a bit late, are you? Ten points from Gryffindor! Next time, take your notes _during_ the lesson. Class dismissed!"  
Oh well. I doubt anyone'll blame me too much because they all know what an ass he can be. To tell you the truth, I think I got off easy.  
Malfoy's behind me and getting closer. I hope he doesn't try to talk to me or anything. He is so annoying. Walk faster, Mel!   
**9:50 a.m.** - **Herbology with Slytherin** - You know that saying, "Saved by the bell"? I could tweak it a tiny bit and easily apply it to what just happened.  
Malfoy sat down two seats away and passed me a note. It read:   
_ Mel, I'm not exactly sure how to word this so I'll just come out and say it. So you want to go out with me? There, I said it. Please let me know so I won't be left in suspense.  
- Draco_  
The teacher said, "Alright, class! Quiet! now, get out your supplies for today's lesson, and write down the assignment on the board."  
Saved by the teacher.  
**9:15 p.m.** - **empty common room (everyone's exhausted after the first day)** - Nothing very eventful happened after that class, with the exception of Neville turning his shoe into a bucket of cement. Poor kid... Anyway, I just finished my homework. Way too much for the first day. What're they trying to do to us?  
I avoided the Asshole as much as possible today, with success. Luckily, I didn't get stuck by him in any classes other than Potions. I'll have to be confronted sometimes, probably tomorrow in Snape's class. I'll ask Ginny for help before breakfast. Wish me luck...

**A/N:** I have a scene I should put in the next chapter (if not, chapter 4) that should be pretty interesting. R&R No flames!


	3. Sept 3, Sept 6

** A/N:** Fans of Lee Jordan should not read on. I have nothing against him, but I needed someone for his part that isn't normally a main character. He is very OOC. Rating may go up for violence. I'm going to give yall a few notes before I continue. Mel is an American from Oklahoma in her fourth year. Dumbledore came to her personally when she was eleven to give her the opportunity to go to a wizarding school because there are none where she lives, and she is a very powerful witch that supposedly could hurt someone if not properly trained. On to the story!   
  
**September 3** -   
**8:50 a.m.** - **Charms class with Hufflepuff** - I had a chat with Ginny at breakfast about the note. It didn't go the way I expected.  
I sat down at the table and showed Ginny the note. She said, "I think you should give him a shot-"  
"What?"  
"Let me finish! We all know Malfoy's a prat, and he always has been, but people can change. He obviously likes you so I think you are just the person to do so."  
"Hold your horses! If we dated, you'd be alright with that? You know, since he's been especially cruel to you and your family."  
She smiled, "Don't worry. I'm okay with this. I'm trying to be nicer to my enemies, anyway. I'll explain everything to Ron, Harry, and Hermione. Once they're fine with this, the rest of the house should open up to the whole idea."  
"Thanks, Gin. I'll talk to him before potions and get it straight that he has to be nice."  
That was odd. Wish me luck.  
**10:30** - **Potions with Slytherin** - After Charms, I saw Malfoy walking across the lawn to Hrbology. I ran up behind him and tackled to him to ground. Pinning the poor boy down with both my arms and my legs, I began, "Listen up, Ma- Draco! I will go out with you only if you comply with a few requests," he tried to get into a more comfortable position, but I wouldn't let him, "You _will_ stop being jealous of Harry - let me continue! You _will _call all of my friends by their firsts names as a sign of respect! You _will_ be more civil towards muggles, and that includes not using silly insults like 'mudblood'. Lastly, don't even _think_ about trying to touch me inappropriately, especially without my permission."  
I got off of him, grabbed my backpack, and pushed my way through the large croud that had gathered.  
Malfoy - sorry, _Draco_ - just gestured that it's time to go because I didn't hear Snape dismiss us. I really should pay more attention. Well, I'm off!  
9:05 p.m. - in a chair in the corner of the common room - Lee's been acting weird lately. First he starts hanging around me and cracking jokes all the time, and then suddenly he gets all quiet and distant. I think that's as close at PMS as guys can get. Strange.   
Because we're going to be watching these tournament things, and the teachers are loading us down with tons of work, I will not be able to write nearly as frequently as I would prefer. Sometimes life just sucks.  
This evening at supper, Dumbledore told us that we will all be required to take a Muggle Studies course that will begin next semester. He said it will help us out in the future. Maybe he knows something we don't... Just kidding. Though that man is a total wacko (don't let my fellow Gryffindors know that), he seems to know _everything_.  
  
**September 6** -  
**7:35 p.m.** - **in front of common room fire** - For the past couple of days, I keep getting the feeling that I'm being watched. It's making me nervous. I'm so paranoid, I'll think I hear something behind me, but when I turn around, no one's there. It's probably just my nerves acting up in reaction to the large amount of homework I have or something.  
I've been hanging out with Draco some lately, and he's actually not that bad, once you get to know him. I think he might really be a nice guy under that rude exterior. My philosophy is that he thinks he has to keep up a though appearance, and that's why he's so mean to everybody. It is quite understandable because many teens do that.   
Lee's still acting strange. He has gotten even quieter and quit hanging out with his close friends. He's still nice and all, but he's not himself anymore. No more pranks. No more jokes. He acts as if he is in some other world or something. He is beginning to worry me. Depressing. 


	4. Sept 12, Sept 21

**September 12** -   
**6:00 p.m.** - **sitting under a tree by the lake** - I feel like I'm floating on a cloud! Today Draco kissed me for the first time! It actually wasn't gross, like most people would think it is.  
After breakfast, Draco and I walked down the mountainside to a semi-secluded little area behind some rocks.   
We both looked out at the scenery, and I said, "That sure is beautiful, ain't it? Where I'm from, you'll _never_ see something like _this_."  
"What does Oklahoma look like?"  
"Towns are usually about ten miles apart so there's countryside in between them. The plains are rolling hills covered in crops, trees, and grass. The sun gives everything a subtle golden tint that's so beautiful some days. There are surprisingly a lot of little forested areas on the plains that survive, despite the heat."  
He said, "It sounds like a great place."  
"I suppose it can be, if you're not used to it like me. What does it look like in your part of the country?"  
"We live on a mountain, and it's about like this. A rocky meadow leading downward, a forest and a lake on the edge, crisp air all year 'round."  
After a moment, I asked him, "Why do you act so mean? You're always kind to me."  
He replied, "I just always feel this pressure to keep up a tough image, to live up to the family name. I'm comfortable with you so I can be myself with no masks."  
I knew it.  
"You should show people this side of you more often. You might get more friends that way."  
"Who said anything about wanting friends? Besides, some things should be saved just for those closest to you," he said with a smile.  
Draco was getting dangerously close, and I didn't back away in the slightest. He whispered, "Can I kiss you?"  
What a gentleman! I nodded, and his warm, soft lips were pressed to mine for a sweet moment.  
"Oy! Don't be doing that kind of thing where people come and go every day!"  
Ron and Hermione were walking down to us. Way to ruin the moment. Oh well. For the short time the kiss had lasted, it was absolutely fantastic. By far the best one I've ever had.   
"So, what were you to doing coming to this _secluded_ place _together_?" I did the suggestive eyebrow gesture that is oh so popular among teens.  
They both blushed and avoided eye contact. I am so psychic.  
Well, I'm going to go get me some supper and hang out with my roomies.  
  
**September 21** -   
**11:50 p.m.** - **in bed with flashlight** - Oh my God. Oh my freakin' God. I just can't believe it. {A/N: sorry about that saying God's name like that, she is just in shock right now}  
At about nine o' clock tonight, a prefect sent me to give some papers to Professor McGonagall. Everything was normal with the halls dakr and empty.  
After a minute or so, I though I heard someone behind me. I stopped; they stopped. When I started walking again, the sound began again. ThoughI told myself it was just the echo of my own fottsteps, I remained nervous and quickened my pace.   
I was suddenly shoved into a large broom closet. The other person in there said, "Hello, Melany. How nice it is to see you."  
I recognised that voice. It was too dark to see his face, but I knew it was someone familiar.  
I could sense him smile, "Mel, baby, you should have asked me out. You know that Malfoy's a good for nothing, worthless prat. I love you, and I always have. I've been watching your every move. You can't like Malfoy; nothing gets by me."  
"Next time, just tell me you like me," I hid the fear in my voice as well as I could.  
"Oh, my darling, but there shant be a next time!" his voice rose like a maniac's, "IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU, THEN NO ONE CAN!"  
With a snap of his fingers, he turned on a light. It was Lee Jordan. Lee. One of my best friends. My stalker.  
He grabbed my arms with one hand and took out a gun with the other. I struggled, but had no success because he was stronger than me. He put the revolver to my head. Just before he pulled the trigger, I kicked him as hard as I could and made him shoot the wall instead of me.  
Dumbledore suddenly burst in with Snape, and the two took care of Lee from there. I owe my life to them because I didn't know where to go from there (the door was locked magically, and I had no wand). It's a good thing crazy people yell loud enough to wake people up.   
They wanted Lee to still be able to do his school work so he'll be staying in the hospital wing. St. Mungo's was full, anyway. I just hope I can get to sleep tonight with him still here. 


	5. Sept 24

**A/N:** I'm serious, guys, if you like Lee, don't continue. This story will be pretty angsty for about a year or two in her life, but then it should start to get better.  
  
**September 24** -   
**5:35 a.m.** - **Dumbledore's office** - It's my fault. It's all my fucking fault. I feel like I could just kill myself. Why did this have to happen?  
It took me awhile to get to sleep, but I finally did around three in the morning. About an hour later I awoke from my disturbed dreams, and my mouth was dry. I opened the curtains of my canopy bed when something caught my eye.  
Something moved in the shadows. A figure suddenly lunged at me, and their knife shone in the dim moonlight. I swiftly dove onto the floor, narrowly missing the weapon's sharp blade.   
I got up and started backing away. When they lunged at me again, I screamed and ducked. I used the opportunity to kock the weapon to the floor behind them with my wrist.  
It was barely too far away for them to grab without letting their gaurd down so they leaped at me. To avoid being strangled to death, I used all my strength to push them away and onto the floor. Onto the knife.  
The moonlight shone just bright enough to reveal his face. Lee's face.  
I killed Lee Jordan. My good friend is dead, and it's all because of me.  
The other girls were screaming, and I just couldn't bear to look them in the eyes. I couldn't stop looking at Lee in horror, fear, and pure shock.  
McGonagall soon burst in, and took all of my fellow fourth year girls along with me to the staff area to spend the night. Dumbledore took me into his office once we were there.   
"Tea, Ms. Simmons?"  
"No thanks. I don't really care for the stuff," I said absentmindedly as I took a seat in front of him.  
He poured himself a cup and said, "I know this may be a bit difficult for you to do at the moment, but I need to know what happened tonight. Could you please tell me a full account of what occured?"  
I told him the story and finished with, "I killed him. I killed Lee Jordan."  
Once I was finished recalling the aweful event, he tried to comfort me, "It's not your fault. The boy had something wrong in his head, and you were just defending youself." {A/N: Was that wording a little OOC for him?}  
No matter how much I wish I could believe that, I just can't. I did it, and no one can change that now.   
"You can sleep in here on my couch so you don't have to face anyone just yet," My journal appeared in his hand, and he gave it to me. "Maybe this can help some?"  
Damn man knows everything.  
So here I am, on Dumbledore's couch in his office. Once he leaves me alone, I think I'll find a way to kill myself. For anyone who happens to read this, I just want to tell the whole God damned world to go to fucking hell.  
  
**A/N:** Is this the end to Melany Simmons? Well, you never know! In the Harry Potter world, there are ways for her to keep writing in her journal if she's dead so she may die, or she may not. You'll just have to wait and see! So sorry about Lee, but I needed a character that wasn't a main one in the original books. Please don't flame me about it. Just deal with it, and move on with your life. Sorry the chapter's so short like the others. I'm no good with long ones, and I simply have to take advantage of this cliffhanger! I have the major events of her life mostly laid out in my mind, but I wouldn't mind some funny scenes or something I could do just to pass the time until the next big stuff happens. Please R&R with no flames! Thank you! {exits stage left} {runs into brick wall} Ow... Other way... {exits stage right to chase pink frogs} 


End file.
